"More couples than I can number have been surprised that their marriage needs the regular rescue of grace. And because they did not take the bible seriously, they were caught short in that moment, when the rubber meets the road in daily life, where grace was their only hope." So writes Paul Tripp in his excellent book What Did You Expect? Below are twenty-two descriptions of marital love from Tripp's book. While the descriptions apply to both husbands and wives, we’ve written them specifically to us husbands:
1. Love is being willing to have your life complicated by the needs and struggles of your wife without impatience or anger.
2. Love is actively fighting the temptation to be critical and judgmental toward your wife, while looking for ways to encourage and praise.
3. Love is the daily commitment to resist the needless moments of conflict that come from pointing out and responding to minor offenses.
4. Love is being honest and approachable in times of misunderstanding, and being more committed to unity than you are to winning, accusing, or being right.
5. Love is a daily commitment to admit your sin, weakness, and failure and to resist the temptation to offer an excuse or shift the blame.
6. Love means being willing, when confronted by your wife, to examine your heart rather than rising to your defense or shifting the focus.
7. Love is a daily commitment to grow in love so that the love you offer to your wife is increasingly selfless, mature, and patient.
8. Love is being unwilling to do what is wrong when you have been wronged but to look for concrete and specific ways to overcome evil with good.
9. Love is being a good student of your wife, looking for her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs so that in some way you can remove the burden, support her as she carries it, or encourage her along the way.
10. Love means being willing to invest the time necessary to discuss, examine, and understand the problems that you face as a couple, staying on task until the problem is removed or you have agreed upon a strategy of response.
11. Love is always being willing to ask for forgiveness and being committed to grant forgiveness when it is requested.
12. Love is recognizing the high value of trust in a marriage and being faithful to your promises and true to your word.
13. Love is speaking kindly and gently, even in moments of disagreement, refusing to attack your spouse's character or assault his or her intelligence.
14. Love is being unwilling to flatter, lie, manipulate, or deceive in any way in order to co-opt your wife into giving you what you want or doing something your way.
15. Love is being unwilling to ask your wife to be the source of your identity, meaning and purpose, or inner sense of well-being, while refusing to be the source of hers.
16. Love is the willingness to have less free time, less sleep, and a busier schedule in order to be faithful to what God has called you to be and to do as a husband.
17. Love is a commitment to say no to selfish instincts and to do everything that is within your ability to promote real unity, functional understanding, and active love in your marriage.
18. Love is staying faithful to your commitment to treat your spouse with appreciation, respect, and grace, even in moments when he or she doesn't seem to deserve it or is unwilling to reciprocate.
19. Love is the willingness to make regular and costly sacrifices for the sake of your marriage without asking anything in return or using your sacrifices to place your wife in your debt.
20. Love is being unwilling to make any personal decision or choice that would harm your marriage, hurt your wife, or weaken the bond of trust between you.
21. Love is refusing to be self-focused or demanding but instead looking for specific ways to serve, support, and encourage, even when you are busy or tired.
22. Love is daily admitting to yourself, your wife, and God that you are not able to love this way without God's protecting, providing, forgiving, rescuing, and delivering grace.
Thanks to R W Glenn for this compilation