Darrin Patrick calls The Dude’s Guide to Manhood: Finding True Manliness in a World of Counterfeits a “guidebook” because, he writes, “Most of us feel as though we are setting out on a difficult journey without any direction or help” (xii). “Dudes”—young men struggling with various stages of prolonged adolescence—are without a map laying out the journey of manhood and without a navigator to lead them along it. “We are on our own, and we don’t know where we’re going,” Patrick writes. “And it’s killing us” (xii). The lead pastor of The Journey in St. Louis wants his work to be “a guidebook to true manhood” for struggling dudes who desire to learn but don’t know where to go (xvi).
Unexpected Direction
Patrick’s direction is unexpected.
The first nine chapters discuss different characteristics of true manhood:
discipline, work ethic, family devotion, and so forth. Patrick approaches these
mainly from a common grace perspective, drawing on sociological research (32),
biographies (129-30), and even film references (144) with only a smattering of
biblical references throughout. Someone with no belief in Christianity
whatsoever could acknowledge his cases for each characteristic and even assent
to them. But by chapter 10—if not before—the reader who wants to put these
things into practice will begin feeling frustrated and fatigued. How on earth
could I start becoming properly disciplined, coachable, emotionally connected,
and able to love a family well?
That’s where Patrick makes the big
turn. These things are impossible, he says; there’s no way we can
overcome our sinful motivations and change our lives on our own. Rather than
encouraging us to suck it up and make heroic efforts toward masculinity,
Patrick leads us to the only “true and perfect hero” (149) who is both our
example and also our Savior. We find true masculinity not in our own perfection
but in “trusting in Christ’s perfection for us” (159) and committing our lives
to walking in obedient faith in him. The final chapter, which is one of the
book’s strongest, discusses how manhood must be lived in light of the
forgiveness we have through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.
Patrick’s law-then-gospel approach
would work best with young men who may or may not be in the church but aren’t
living a consistent life of obedience to God. The format makes it strongest as
an evangelistic book: chapter 11 even ends with how to pray a prayer of
repentance and trust in Christ. That’s the ideal audience for this work; I
imagine a Christian leading a friend or a group of guys through each chapter,
discussing their difficulties and (ideally) letting the book, by the power of
the Holy Spirit, lead the struggling dudes through conviction to the cross. I
think that’s what Patrick has in mind for this work, and it’s largely a
successful effort.
Well-Rounded Vision
One major strength of The
Dude’s Guide to Manhood is the well-roundedness of Patrick’s vision for masculinity. I half-expected his idea of a
“real man” to be a poster Acts 29 church planter: independent, strong-willed,
action-oriented. Conan the Barbarian, but, you know, a Christian. But the
“masculine shape” presented wasn’t that at all. Determination is part of
it, yes; so are discipline, work, and the fighting spirit, rightly understood
and channeled. But Patrick also adds things like being coachable as well as
having proper contentment, family, friends, and emotional expression. He delves
into these attributes and others in a balanced manner, highlighting merits and
pitfalls in each.
One section that deserves particular
mention is his chapter on contentment. We pay lip service to the idea of
contentment, Patrick believes, but we don’t really seem to want it. We end up
cultivating boredom by constantly seeking new possessions and new experiences
(61); we get caught up in the past or the future such that we’re perpetually
dissatisfied with the present (65). To fight this temptation, Patrick
advises us to adopt rhythm and ritual into our lives: to mark our work weeks
with punctuated periods of rest, celebration, and enjoyment. This struck me as
wise counsel, given our remarkable ability to live submerged under a constant stream
of stimulation with little time to come up for air and reflect on our lives.
Patrick’s chapter on friendship was
also particularly insightful. He contrasts true friendship with common
counterfeits: acquaintances, drinking buddies, fans, and cliques. He also
offers simple but clear advice on cultivating friendships with men that involve
special, “intentional” time in addition to doing common, routine things
together. Friendship requires perseverance, he acknowledges, but a true man
needs friendships as well as mentors in his life.
Late
Shift
As much as I liked this book and
learned from it, I struggled with its “law then gospel” format. The first
nine-and-a-half chapters are designed to convict the reader of his inability to
live as a godly man. I appreciate that design, but someone who tries to process
the book chapter by chapter will finish each with more of a sense he needs to
get to work than an understanding of God’s grace and how he transforms our
living out manhood. Chapters 10 through 12 are so gospel-saturated and
biblically wise that after I finished the book I wished every chapter had read
like those. In short, the shift from “Do this as a man!” to “Find your
masculine identity in Jesus!” comes a little later and more abruptly than I
think is helpful.
That said, The Dude’s Guide to
Manhood is convicting, wise, and definitely worth the read. Patrick’s tone
throughout is winsome rather than condemning, and even when he offers drills or
exhorts his readers we feel he’s right there with us rather than ahead yelling
at us to catch up. And I’m thankful his book presents a biblical vision of
masculinity and leads us to see how it’s finally found only in the true man,
Jesus Christ.
Reviewed by: Joseph Rhea is a pastoral resident
at College Park Church in Indianapolis. He is married to Allison, and they are
expecting their first child at the end of May 2014.
