Church Bulletin Bloopers

For generations Sunday Church Bulletins have been a popular way to keep congregations informed. But often there are typos and bad grammar that have given us a treasure trove of bloopers. Here are some that we hope will give you a chuckle:

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

The women of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

The Fasting and Prayer Conference Includes Meal

Thursday at 5 PM will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child. 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD; Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

Don’t miss this Saturday’s exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.

We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.

A worm welcome to all who have come today.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.

Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. 

Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Today’s Sermon: How Much Can a Man Drink? with hymns from a full choir.

Hymn: “I Love Thee My Ford.”

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around. Don’t forget your husbands.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson’s sermons.

Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The ushers will come forward and take our ties and offerings.