Who's The Man? by Darrin Patrick

We need a vision for masculinity. We need a model. We need to see a man rooted and secure in his calling. A man with no crisis of identity--constantly trying to prove himself (Matthew 3:17). One who lived his life with passion and persistence. A man whose masculinity is worth imitating.

"Ecce Homo" - Behold The Man!

Jesus is the vision for true masculinity.

Men are experiencing an identity crisis. And we’re short on role models.

We’re caught between Don Draper as the alpha male and a whole crew of omega males like Judd Apatow. One tries to express masculinity through power, possessions, and promiscuity. The other group has stopped trying altogether. Unlike us, these other guys seem to be getting something out of their isolation and discontentment, their rebellion, and their lack of discipline. We’re stuck with pain and hardship.

We need a more compelling vision for masculinity. We need to see a man so utterly rooted and secure in his identity that he can actually embody masculinity for us. A man with no crisis of identity, pursuing his calling with passion and persistence. A man whose masculinity is not vain and self-serving.

We need to look to Jesus, the true and perfect Man.

Content and Coachable

Contentment propelled Jesus. Before his incarnation, he had all that anyone could possibly imagine. Yet he relinquished everything for our sake, entering into a world of hardship, limitation, suffering, and death. His contentment didn’t come from his circumstances or location, but from his ongoing, eternal relationship with the Father. Before Jesus entered into public ministry, preached a single sermon, performed any miracles, or healed anyone, the Father spoke these words: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Because Jesus was content and secure in his identity as the Son of the Father, he was coachable. He was the perfect teacher, but the Gospel of Luke describes him being led by the Holy Spirit. He said that he did on earth whatever his Father did (John 5:19), even learning through his ordained suffering (Hebrews 5:8). He modeled humility, making it clear he was under the guidance and authority of God the Father. Even when he was tempted to avoid the suffering of the cross, Jesus said, “Not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42).

Disciplined and Determined

He was disciplined. Knowing that once the sun came up he would be mobbed by the crowds, he made it his practice to get up early to be with his Father and gain instruction for the day. He had focus and a clear sense of timing. He moved on to the next thing when needed (Mark 1:37–38). He lived in the moment: “And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour?’ But for this purpose I have come to this hour” (John 12:27).

He dealt with the weaknesses of living as a man in sin-soaked society (Hebrews 4:15). People opposed his mission and message at every turn. Yet despite every obstacle, Jesus remained focused on our good and his perfect sacrifice on our behalf (Hebrews 10:14). Jesus was a determined man.

Connected to Family and Friends

Jesus was driven, but always had others in view, even making room for his family (John 2:3–5). He was aware of his responsibilities as a son, knowing that, even as God, he needed to fulfill them. Before entering public ministry, he took up carpentry like his earthly father Joseph. And in his final act, while he was on the cross, Jesus entrusted the care for his mother to a beloved disciple (John 19:26–27).

Jesus was connected to his followers, revealing himself to them. He coached and trained them, encouraged and challenged them. He was a teacher to them, but much more. Their job was to soak up as much as they could, to imitate him, and obey his commands. But in a remarkable statement, Jesus made them more than followers. He invited them to be friends, to be equals with him in his work, in his rest, in all the benefits and joys that are his — even as the Son of God (John 15:15).

Tough and Tender

Jesus was both tender and tough. He grieved and wept over the death of his friend Lazarus. And when the religious leaders of his day were selling things in the temple, Jesus overturned their tables and angrily whipped them with cords (John 2:15)! He wasn’t ruled by his emotions, but did not deny or suppress them either. Jesus felt things both deeply and rightly.

Jesus fought the right battles. He stared death in the face and overcame it. He conquered his enemies and ours. And he continues to vanquish anything else that would dare oppose him (1 Corinthians 15:20–28). He is ever victorious, always triumphant, and glorious in his strength. And he fights on our behalf, coming to our aid and triumphing over the one who would destroy our souls.

Uncover the Manhood

As we look to Jesus, we see much more than an example. He is the one who enables us to become like him because he frees us from the guilt we feel when we see how short of his perfection we have fallen. He is not only the true man. He is the only true Savior.

We were created to be true men — men of courage, industry, and goodness. That glory has been buried because of our ongoing rebellion against our Creator. Jesus offers us forgiveness and a chance to be made new. If we open ourselves to his mercy at the cross, we can begin the painful, but healing, process of letting Jesus dig through our bitterness, anger, pride, envy, and desire to control others — to uncover the true and glorious manhood that lies somewhere deep within every one of us men.

Darrin Patrick is pastor of The Journey Church in St. Louis, Missouri, and author of the new book The Dude’s Guide to Manhood: Finding True Manliness in a World Full of Counterfeits. Resources from Darrin are available at darrinpatrick.org

 

Seven Actions to Engage the Men In Your Church

Much has been written over the past few years about the lack of male involvement and discipleship in the local church. Books on how to create engaging worship services that are gritty and rock n’ roll-ish, or how-tos on organizing “man” events of weight lifting, eating grilled beef, and drinking beer (sorry to my Baptist friends) are in abundance. But where are the men?

One would think that with the rise of church planting and prolific pastors and authors

advocating for a type of “strong man” Christianity, we would see a difference in the membership of young fast-growing churches. But from mine and many others’ experiences, this trend of a manless Christianity has not only continued, but gotten worse.

We have done everything we can to open the doors for their acceptance and involvement, but when push comes to shove, the idea of staying at home watching ESPN, designing a logo for a new company, finishing a work project, or merely sleeping in, becomes top priority.

With this sad reality in mind, I want to share what I believe to be the 7 foundational actions we need to take as leaders to successfully engage the men within our churches.

Acknowledge Them

Simply put, the word “acknowledge” means to admit the existence of something or someone.

Men want to be acknowledged. They want to believe that someone knows they exist and cares for them. They have a desire to be known. When they come into church, go to a small group, attend a church event, or anything else for that matter, they are looking for you (pastor) and/or someone within the church to admit their existence.

This does not mean that you personally need to meet and shake hands with every single male in your church every Sunday. However, it does mean that you can and should empower the men already within your church to make contact with other men.

Remember, on any given Sunday there are men (young and old) that were brought to your church by their spouses, a potential girlfriend, the music, your preaching, or many other things. And although they stepped foot into the building, they are waiting to be sought out and acknowledged.

Bless Them
A couple of years ago my wife and I were interning at a larger membership church in California. One day the Senior Pastor of the church and his wife decided to take us out for dinner, hear our stories, pray for us, and offer to mentor us.

I was blown away.

The thought that the pastor and his wife wanted to bless my wife and I with not only a great dinner and encouraging conversation, but also with their investment into our lives, was encouraging. Their willingness to bless us opened my heart to trust them as leaders and fall more in love with their church.

Even though most men won’t often admit it, they crave to be blessed. They are longing to be taken out for a burger, invited to a BBQ or football party, or merely welcomed into your home. But they are waiting for you to invite them. They’re not going to invite themselves. They’re not going to seek after you and ask if they can come to your home, go to a sporting event, or get drinks at a local pub. But they will say “yes” when you take the first step. And eventually, they will say “yes” to being faithful to your church because you have been faithful to blessing them.

Challenge Them

This is a difficult topic to talk about because our culture has dumbed down the importance and differences of masculinity and femininity. But the reality is simple and obvious, men are looking to be challenged.They are looking to be given something to accomplish—something that will challenge them.

Now, this does not mean that every man in your church wants to build a new stage in your sanctuary or join a small group that meets at a local gym. It does mean, however,  that every man in your church has been intricately designed by God to be passionate and skilled at something (or many things!). And because of this, they have an innate desire to be challenged within the realm of their passions and skills.

So, challenge them with something that will bring them joy and see results. Give them opportunities to succeed and/fail, and hold them accountable.

Here are a few examples I have seen done in different churches:

1)  Challenge them to take their wife out to dinner once a week for an entire month and email you the benefits to their marriage.

2)  Challenge them to pray with their kids each night for one week and see how it changes their relationships with their kids.

3)  Challenge them to renovate the children’s wing of the church and have a “revealing day” where all the children and their parents get to see the renovations and meet the men who worked on their classroom or children’s sanctuary.

4)  Challenge them create art, such as painting, photos, graphic art, and post it all throughout the sanctuary during a weekend of worship.

5)  Challenge them to open up their homes and host BBQ’ing or renovation competitions for the men within their communities.

Let them Fail

In the process of challenging the men in your church, it is also imperative that you allow them to fail. Much of the reason why men are absent from church is because they are ashamed of their spiritual walks. They don’t pray much, they don’t love their families well, they don’t spend time reading their Bibles or talking with others about Jesus, and when they walk into the church, they feel condemned.

It shouldn’t be that way.

When you give a challenge to the men in your church and allow them to fail, you are in essence, living out the message of the gospel for them. You are saying to them, “I know you can be great. I know that God has gifted you and called you to something huge. And you know what? If you fail, it’s okay! There is grace for you when you forget to take your wife out for dinner. There is grace when you get angry at your kids. There is grace when you fail at a project. There is grace for you!”

When you let the men in your church fail, you are empowering them to experience the message of the gospel, which is often not what many of them experience when they step foot into most churches.

Listen to Them

Everyone man has something to say. And no, I am not talking complaints about how loud the music is on Sundays, or how boring your sermons have been recently. Rather, every man has joys, worries, complaints, past hurts, opportunities, etc., stirring within their hearts, but many of them have no outlet by which they can share these things.

They often hold a position in their job where they cannot speak their mind, and when they are home, they feel uncomfortable sharing what’s going on in their hearts with their spouses or friends for fear of being seen as a failure. However, many are willing to talk with a pastor that they trust and have built a relationship with. And it’s our calling to listen to them and hear them out.

With that said, don’t expect most men who are beginning to trust you and your church to set up a time for “counseling” or a one-on-one meeting right away. This is oftentimes too awkward for them. Rather, expect to spend time with them in a relaxed atmosphere and use that opportunity to ask pointed questions. It may take time, but trust me, they will eventually enjoy your willingness to spend time with them, ask questions, and genuinely listen.

Remember, most men don’t have an outlet for someone to listen to them. So be proactive in creating space for conversation, and rejoice in the small wins.

In a side note, when they share their thoughts about the church, your leadership, or their views of God and Christianity, take note. These are invaluable resources to learn from.

Pray with Them

When you meet with a man from your church or if he comes up to you during a Sunday service or small group meeting, take the time to pray with him. Take the opportunity, no matter the circumstances to let him hear your love for Jesus and offer time for him to pray as well.

Many of the men in your church have never seen Christianity modeled to them by a godly male leader. Besides hearing you or other preacher prays before their sermons, they may never hear another male pray out loud. But when you spend time praying with them, they will begin to see that an intimate relationship with Christ is not only healthy, but the greatest relationship in the world. They will experience fellowship with another man that is often not found in relationships outside the church. And ultimately, when you pray with the men in your church, they will be encouraged to spend time praying with others as well, including their wives and children.

Most of all, point them to the Father.

Every man needs a father. Every man craves the love, acceptance, and approval of a father. But in most situations, the men that are walking into your church are fatherless—both spiritually and literally. They have never experienced the loving grace of a earthly father and because of this absence, they struggle to understand the deep void they feel for a spiritual or heavenly Father as well.

Therefore, above and beyond every other “action” discussed in this post, your goal needs to be to point them to the Father. Point them to Christ Jesus. Point them to the message of the gospel that says they are anointed children of the most perfect and loving Father in the universe. Remind them every chance you get that God loves them, is proud of them, and has gone to the greatest lengths to be near to them.

Even the toughest and most non-emotional men in your church need to hear that God delights in them, is passionate about their lives, and wants the best for them and their families. They need to hear this. They need to see this. And they need to encounter this while they are with you and in your church. Because with out it, they are merely joining a social club that will not satisfy the deepest longings of their souls.

Joshua Shaw has a B.A. in Biblical Studies and Psychology and is finishing up his M.Div from Denver Seminary. He regularly blogs at his website, www.spiritfilledtruth.com. He is currently working with the Mennonite Brethren denomination and Acts 29 network to plant a church in the west-metro area of Denver, Colorado.

Four Ways You Should Pray for Your Pastors

One of the greatest joys in my life is serving as pastor of the Summit. But ministry can be both messy and exhausting. That’s why I am so thankful for the prayer warriors in our congregation. I truly believe that one of the main reasons the Summit has grown is simply that God has answered the bold prayers of those in our congregation. The most important ministry anyone in our church can be involved in is that of prayer.

We believe the church is God’s Plan A and the hope for the world. As a leader of a church, that is humbling, so I always appreciate when people ask me, “How can we pray for you?” In fact, I get the question often enough that I thought I’d answer it publicly. Here are four very practical ways (inspired by James MacDonald) that you can be praying for your pastors:

1.     Pray that we will make God’s Word fully known. 

Colossians 1:25, “I became a minister [of the church] according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known.” 

Before we are your leaders and pastors, we are your servants. The call to pastor is the call to wash the feet of those you serve. My preaching is meant to be for your service and for God’s glory, not for my platform. There is no greater way that we as pastors can serve you than to give you God’s Word, which Jesus calls our daily sustenance.

 

Pray that as we serve, preach, teach, and counsel in our community, that God’s Word would be made fully known in the hearts and minds of those who hear.

2.     Pray that we will reprove, rebuke and exhort people with great patience.
2 Timothy 4:2, “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” 

Exhorting people is fun and energizing, especially when they are on board with your vision. Reproving and rebuking? Not so much. But another word for pastor is “shepherd,” and a good shepherd would never stand by and watch wolves take out his sheep. In the same way, you can pray that we are able to reprove those who are straying, rebuke those who are divisive, and exhort those who are in need of encouragement – all in a way that is winsome and reflective of the patience that God has with us.

3.     Pray for sound doctrine.
Titus 1:9, “Hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.” 

There is nothing more dangerous in the church than false doctrine. Part of the danger comes from the fact that a lot of false doctrine can be really popular. If I preached “10 Steps to Your Best Life Now!” we could draw some great crowds, but sound doctrine comes from Scripture, not from pragmatism. There is a great temptation to preach and
tell people what we think will make them feel better – but God’s Word alone is what changes lives.

Pray that we do not succumb to the temptation to grow a crowd, but that we teach sound doctrine from the “Word [that] is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

4.     Pray that we will openly and unapologetically share the truth.
2 Corinthians 4:2 “By setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.” 

If you have never been offended by the gospel, you have never truly heard the gospel. The gospel, by its very nature, is offensive. It strips away everything we think we need, leaving us feeling completely helpless and exposed. But it then clothes us in the love and acceptance of Christ, giving us comfort, purpose, and strength that we could never have dreamed of. If we refuse to let the gospel expose our wounds, we’ll never feel the healing that Christ offers. 

Pray that we share the gospel message boldly and unashamedly in our community. The gospel of grace does what nothing else can—it transforms us from the inside out. May we never move beyond it. 

J.D. Greear is the lead pastor of The Summit Church, in Raleigh-Durham, NC and author of Gospel: Recovering the Power that Made Christianity Revolutionary (2011) and Stop Asking Jesus into Your Heart: How to Know for Sure You Are Saved (2013).