Thinking About My Dad

The word “Father” is perhaps the most significant name of the God of the Bible. It occurs 1,488 times and sets Christianity apart from all other religions. 

God could have called himself anything but He chose to reveal himself as Father. It was Jesus’ favorite term for addressing God the Father. He prayed “Abba” – papa, daddy – a word of endearment, affection and intimacy. That was something unprecedented in Judaism and in world history. Amazingly God invites us to call him "Abba, Father.” As a dad and grandfather, I’m humbled to think I have been bestowed with a title that God claimed for himself.

For this Father’s Day let us remember that human fatherhood is patterned after divine fatherhood. Every one of us human fathers is an imperfect reflection of our perfectly loving, heavenly Father. Yet the foremost call of every father in this life is to live in such a way that his children glimpse what God the Father is like.

 

For many of us Fathers’ Day is not easy because we had or have a difficult relationship with our earthly father. Growing up we may not have really known him even if we lived with him. I know something about that. My dad wasn’t there for me. He was absent and we were estranged for much of my life.

My Dad and I never played catch, or hunted or fished together. We never worked on cars, hugged, or just hung out. He never saw me play ball, learn to swim or ride a bike or graduate from high school and college or get married.  We never really talked about sports, sex or much of anything else.

 

He never told me what it means to be a man, or about God and the things of God. I never heard the words, “I’m proud of you son”, “You have what it takes” or “I love you son.”

 

For most of my life my father was not there. Many of you know the wound of an absent dad. A man’s deepest wounds are not physical but wounds of the soul that render an orphan heart. They often come from the most important man in our lives.

God commands us fathers to care for our children as our Father in heaven lavishly cares for us and to teach them about and live lives of truth, honor and unconditional, sacrificial love.

Forty-six years ago at age 33, I came to faith in Jesus Christ and discovered “the greater love of the Father” that no earthly father can give. I read in Psalm 68:4 that “He is father to the fatherlessness” and realized that I was not fatherless.  My real Father is my Heavenly Father - the one we call “Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.” He is Abba Father! Poppa ---Daddy!

In time, by God’s grace, I came to see my need to forgive my father for his absence. I also came to see his sin and brokenness. I began to pray for his soul. As his health deteriorated, my dad confessed and repented before the Lord. Then before drawing his last breath 28 years ago, he made things right with me and the rest of my family.

My dad died in faith and because of that this one thing I know for sure - my dad will be a bigger part of my future than he ever was of my past!

If you’re a father, you can reclaim the damaged relationship with your children and others through Christ. You can commit to leaving legacy to your children of a father who loves them and their mother with the unconditional, sacrificial love of God.

Likewise, God can reconcile you to an absent dad. In Malachi 4:6 we read that God "will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers…” That’s exactly what God the Father did for me and my dad! The God of all comfort can fill your aching void and reconcile your broken relationships.

Dave Brown is director and pastor-at-large of the Washington Area Coalition of Men’s Ministries (WACMM), a non-profit, non-denominational organization that helps pastors, church staff and men’s leaders across the region in their ministry to men. He also pastors at Restoration Church DC in Washington DC.

Only What Is Done For Christ Will Last

(The following is by Garrett Kell, pastor of Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria VA)

We are not all promised the same things in this life. Some of us will know much joy, others of us much sorrow. Some will be given fame and fortune, others nothing but obscurity and poverty.

But one thing we are all promised is that our life will soon end and we will stand before the judgment seat of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:10). There, before our Maker, we will give an account of how we used the days, words, relationships, dollars, skills, and opportunities God entrusted to us.

Charles Thomas Studd, who served as a British missionary to China, penned a famous poem that helps us to consider the only worthy way to use the life God has given to us—for Christ! May God help us to be ever mindful that only what is done for Christ will last. Lord, help us.

Only One Life

By C.T. Studd

Two little lines I heard one day,

Traveling along life’s busy way;

Bringing conviction to my heart,

And from my mind would not depart;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past, 

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,

Soon will its fleeting hours be done;

Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,

And stand before His Judgement seat;

Only one life,’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice,

Gently pleads for a better choice

Bidding me selfish aims to leave,

And to God’s holy will to cleave;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years,

Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;

Each with its clays I must fulfill,

living for self or in His will;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore,

When Satan would a victory score;

When self would seek to have its way,

Then help me Lord with joy to say;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,

In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;

Faithful and true what e’er the strife,

Pleasing Thee in my daily life;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,

And from the world now let me turn;

Living for Thee, and Thee alone,

Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,

Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;

And when at last I’ll hear the call,

I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;

Only one life,’twill soon be past,

Only what’s done for Christ will last. 

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

The Masculine Crisis - What it Means to Be a Man

Men are in trouble. You can slice and dice the statistics any way you want to, and it comes back with the same result. There is a scourge of fatherlessness among boys and young men. There are daily revelations of male sexual harassment and abuse. There is a gender revolution that has left men without masculine moorings. There are rampant sexual addictions that leave men hamstrung and imprisoned. The phrase “toxic masculinity” has now become standard fare in the public arena.

Gillette's viral commercial on masculinity.

The growing crisis has found a new lightning rod in the Gillette commercial on masculinity. The YouTube version has gone viral with over 25 million views as of today. What is most intriguing though is not the film, but the backlash it has provoked. The negative comments (which outweigh the positive by almost 2 to 1) are in themselves revelatory of a seething anger underneath the surface of many men. It’s the anger of being told what to do and what to be, the anger of being generalized as toxic by definition. Underneath the anger, I sense fear—the fear of being emasculated and the fear of not really knowing what a man is after all. It feels like the fear of a tiger being backed into a corner.

For my part, I find much in the commercial that is redemptive. There is a persuasive uplift in the way it takes on bullying and sexual harassment. It tries to point to a better image of a man, one that uses his power to help and protect others, never to degrade and destroy them. And it rightly suggests that boys are always watching men for their cues on masculinity. What is done in front of them shouts a louder message than anything words could do.

All of this points to some transcendent moral structure that resonates with men. Yes, we should be the defenders and protectors of others. Yes, we should be using our strength to do what is good. Yes, we should bring up our boys into all of this.

But the ending left me with a huge question mark. The call to action is to become the best a man can be. Although well-meaning, the implication is that with a little more elbow grease and a little more sweat equity, we can all become the men we should be. This is the best Gillette can do. But it’s just not enough.

Fortunately, there is more for men.

What I find tragic in all the public forums and news reports about masculinity is not was is said, but what is not said. I have never seen one that points to masculinity as something other than a certain behavior, role, or action. Masculinity is to be found in the world of the seen. But this is a radically different idea from what most men have felt through the ages. From time immemorial, both masculinity and femininity were believed to be spiritual realities in which we participate.

To use the old term of the philosophers, they were metaphysical categories, beyond the physical, beyond the seen. They belong to the world of the unseen. All of the roles and behaviors were to flow out of that prior uniting to those spiritual realities. Temple worship, ancestor worship, and animistic worship of nature all had this underpinning. But it seems in the modern world, we have outgrown the need for such spiritual realities. Or so we think. But the present crisis in masculinity shows we might be mistaken.

Enter Christianity. The biblical worldview both authenticates and transcends what pagan religion affirmed. Masculinity and femininity are spiritual plains of reality that intersect and cut through all of the created order. That’s because they are part of the very being of God Himself. He is both male and female, authenticating and yet transcending both in the mystery of His being. And we are created both male and female to reflect different parts of that being.

Yet there is more. God reveals Himself primarily as masculine in the Bible because His approach to us is masculine in its initiatory character. And that revelation takes form and muscle with the coming of His Son, Jesus. Here we find not toxic masculinity, but masculinity on fire. Jesus came as a man to show men what a true man looked like. He spent His life defending the weak and protecting the helpless. He used His power never for His benefit, but to heal and do good to others.

Jesus was announcing the coming of God’s kingdom. It is the coming of a restored masculinity with Him as the pioneer of that new man.

Jesus is the best a man can be.

In Christian terms, Jesus is the best a man can be. He is the reality in which we are to participate. And then He turns to each of us and says: “If you follow Me, I will make you like Myself.” His invitation is the answer to the masculine crisis. But first, we have to say yes.

by Bill Delvaux is a graduate of Duke University and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. He has been a church planter, a high school Bible teacher, and a running coach. Seven years ago, he pioneered Landmark Journey Ministries to help men find their guide, own their identity, and discover their quest through Christ. His latest book is Heroic: The Surprising Path to True Manhood. His greatest claim to fame is being married to Heidi for 34 years and having two amazing daughters. He and his wife currently reside in Franklin, TN.