The Problem is Our “Want To’s”

Grace doesn't merely make salvation possible. Grace makes sinners willing. How so?

Scripture: “…yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life. I do not receive glory from people. But I know that you do not have the love of God within you. I have come in my Father's name, and you do not receive me. If another comes in his own name, you will receive him.” — John 5:40-43

Thought: This may be one of the clearest diagnoses of the human heart in the Bible. Jesus doesn't say, "You don't have enough information.” He says:

"You refuse to come to me."

These men had evidence everywhere. They had seen miracles. They knew the Scriptures. They had heard John the Baptist. And now the Son of God was standing in front of them. Still, they would not come.

Why? Because the fundamental problem with fallen humanity isn't merely ignorance. It's rebellion.

We sometimes describe unbelievers as good people seeking God... We just need more evidence, more time, more convincing. Scripture paints a much darker picture: "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God” [Romans 3:10–11].

This is what theologians call total depravity. It doesn't mean every person is as evil as he could possibly be. It does means sin has touched every part of us… our body, minds, emotions, desires, and wills.

We don't merely commit sins. We are sinners. And apart from grace, our deepest problem is that we don't want God on His terms.

We want a god who affirms us.

A god who helps our plans.

A god who improves our lives.

Jesus is standing before these men and He commands repentance, surrender, and worship. They don't want that and they don't want Him.

And neither did we. That's why salvation must begin with God.

If salvation ultimately depended upon fallen man's natural willingness to choose Christ, no one would ever come. The Spirit must awaken what is dead, soften what is hard, open what is blind, and change our desires.

Grace doesn't merely make salvation possible. Grace makes sinners willing.

God doesn't drag people kicking and screaming into His kingdom. He does something far more beautiful... He changes their hearts. Suddenly the Christ we resisted becomes the Christ we desire. The Savior we rejected becomes precious. The cross that once seemed foolish becomes our only hope.

Brother, if you love Christ today, don't congratulate yourself for being good/smart/special enough to choose Him. Fall on your knees and thank God for grace. You love Him because He first loved you.

Reflection: When you think about your salvation, does it produce pride in your decision or wonder at God's grace?

Right Next Step: Take five minutes today and thank God specifically for pursuing you when you were unwilling, opening your eyes when you were blind, and giving you life when you were dead.

Prayer: “Father, I confess that apart from Your grace I would never have come to Christ. Thank You for changing my heart, opening my eyes, and making Jesus beautiful to me. Keep me humble. Keep me grateful. And keep drawing my heart toward Your Son. Amen.”

Better Man w/thx - https://betterman.com/

The “Friendship Depth Gap” - The Kind of Friends We Need

This has been termed “the anti-social century.” Solo travel searches on Google hit a record high this year.
According to a new Atlantic article, even college students, one of the most socially active demographics in America, spend much less time socializing than past generations did.

The share of first-year students who reported feeling frequently isolated from campus life has more than doubled in the last two decades. Nationally, college students report higher rates of loneliness than adults and say they have more positive interactions with professors than with peers. Clubs are résumé enhancers more than socializing opportunities.

The US Surgeon General recently warned that our country is facing a “loneliness epidemic.” But the problem is not that we don’t have enough friends—it’s that our friends are not the kind of friends we need.

Taking the risk we avoid

Social media opens the world to us on our digital devices. We have “friends” on Facebook, “followers” on Instagram and X, and multiple other ways to “know” people. But such friendships are significantly different from friendships in previous generations, the type of close-knit communities formed at church, school, work, and small-town life.

Psychologists call this problem the “friendship depth gap.” They point to the landmark Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies ever conducted on human happiness. Its researchers found that the strongest predictor of a happy, meaningful life is not wealth, success, or physical health—it’s the quality of our relationships.

Here is where so many of us are falling short. We have few friends we would call in a crisis or people who really know what’s happening in our lives. The older we get, the less we are engaged in the kind of community fostered by schools and interactions around children and family.

The key, experts say, is to take the risk to know the people we know on a deeper level, to be willing to share the hard parts of our lives, to step beyond superficial friendships into a place of deeper empathy and compassion.

Striving to be my “idealized self”

This discussion calls to mind John Powell’s classic 1969 book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? The answer is simple: because I’m afraid you won’t like me if I do. So I create various “masks” for the various people and situations in my life. I have a mask for Sunday at church, another for Monday at work or school, another for this group of friends, and yet another for that group of colleagues.

Those who wear such “masks” are working within a construct known as the “idealized self,” the person we wish we were. We get up each day, put on this self, and then strive to convince others that it is who we really are. All the while, we know the truth and fear others will discover it.

One of my great mentors in life was a brilliant attorney who argued several cases before the US Supreme Court and was a pivotal voice in tax legislation across his career. For his seventieth birthday, his firm invited some of the most prestigious legal figures in the country to attend a reception in his honor. My friend invited me to attend as well.

The room was filled with notable leaders who took turns lauding my friend for his many contributions and brilliant career. When they were done, my mentor was pressed to “say a few words,” something he had been told he would not be asked to do. He stepped slowly to the microphone, looked out over the crowded room, and said simply, “For so many friends to know the man I strive to be, know the man I am, and forgive the difference, I am most grateful.”

I shared his words at his memorial service some years later and think of them often. Such transparency is the need of the day and a goal worth pursuing.

“They had no dealings with anyone”

In Judges 18, the tribe of Dan attacked the people of Laish and took their land. The writer explains why Laish fell: “There was no deliverer because it was far from Sidon, and they had no dealings with anyone” (v. 28). They were self-sufficient until they were not. When they most needed the help of others, they had not done what was necessary to cultivate such relationships. And so they lost their lives and their land.

We don’t know we need others until we need them. When death strikes and grief overwhelms, when disease afflicts and suffering engulfs, we need help beyond ourselves and a community to share our pain. But our secularized society promotes the myth of the self-made person and rewards self-reliance until it’s too late to foster the relationships we need.

Even those of us who have religious commitments can make them in this context: worshiping God on Sunday so he will bless us on Monday and otherwise doing what he wants so he will do what we want. Then, when (not if) the crisis strikes, we think God has let us down, that he has not kept his side of our bargain, leaving us even more isolated than if we had not made such a bargain at all.

Thus Satan uses for evil what God means for good. I have seen this pattern in my own family and in the churches I served. Any of us can be like Laish today, thinking we are prosperous in our self-reliance until the tribe of Dan attacks and our self-deception is revealed.

“God meets us where we are”

It’s been said that the two best times to plant a tree are twenty years ago and today. We can’t do anything about the past except learn from it. But we can plant “trees” of transparent mutuality today. We can seek to deepen the roots of relationships in the soil of honest community. We can answer Jesus’ prayer for the unity of his people (John 17:23) by seeking his leading and then taking the risky step of authenticity.

The counselor Larry Crabb advised,

“God meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.”

Where will God meet you today?

by Jim Denison, PhD, is a cultural theologian and the founder and CVO of Denison Ministries, which is transforming 6.8 million lives through meaningful digital content. Read more. 

 

Nothing Else Will Satisfy

Brother, stop asking the world to satisfy a hunger it was never designed to fill. Come to Christ. Then keep coming. How so?

Scripture: ”They said to him, ‘Sir, give us this bread always.’ Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe.’” — John 6:34-36

Thought: Jesus doesn't say, "I have the bread of life.” He says, ”I am the bread of life."

That's important. Christianity is not ultimately about receiving something from Jesus. It is about receiving Jesus. The crowd wanted bread. Jesus offered Himself. And He uses one of the most basic human experiences to explain our need for Him: Hunger.

Everybody gets hungry. You eat. You're satisfied. A few hours later, you're hungry again. That's the pattern of this world. Everything promises satisfaction. Nothing delivers it permanently. Make more money. Get the promotion. Buy the house. Take the trip. Win the recognition. And for a moment, maybe it feels like enough. Then hunger returns. That’s why Augustine famously prayed, “You have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

That's the human condition. We have an infinite hunger and keep trying to satisfy it with finite things. But our deepest problem is even worse than hunger. It's sin.

We aren't merely empty people looking for fulfillment. We are guilty sinners alienated from a holy God. That's why Christ doesn't merely come to improve our lives. He comes to reconcile us to God.

His body will be broken. His blood will be shed. He will bear our guilt, satisfy divine justice, and give His righteousness to everyone who receives Him by faith.

This is why Jesus is sufficient. We need His blood for our guilt. His righteousness for our standing. His intercession for our weakness. His Spirit for our sanctification. His resurrection for our hope.

We need Christ every day.

And notice how Jesus describes coming to Him: "Whoever comes to me…" "Whoever believes in me..."

Coming and believing are two ways of describing the same movement of faith. Faith isn't merely agreeing that Jesus exists. It is coming hungry. Coming empty. Coming with nothing in your hands. And receiving Christ as everything you need. Calvin wrote, “As long as Christ remains outside of us, and we are separated from him, all that he has suffered and done for the salvation of the human race remains useless and of no value for us.”

Christ must be ours. Not merely admired. Not merely studied. Received by faith.

Brother, stop asking the world to satisfy a hunger it was never designed to fill. Come to Christ. Then keep coming.

Reflection: What are you currently asking to satisfy you that only Christ can provide?

Right Next Step: Identify the place you're looking for satisfaction outside Christ. Name it. Confess it. Then spend time today simply enjoying Christ in His Word rather than asking Him for something else.

Prayer: “Father, forgive me for trying to satisfy an eternal hunger with temporary things. Thank You for giving me Christ. Teach me to feed daily upon His grace, righteousness, Word, and promises. Make Jesus increasingly precious to me until I can truly say that He is enough. Amen.”

 From Better Man w/thx - https://betterman.com/

Don't Spend Your Life on What Spoils

Brother, your soul is hungry. What are you feeding it? Success. Pleasure. Recognition. Comfort. Every
time, you'll be hungry again. Only Christ satisfies the hunger beneath every other hunger. How so?

Scripture: ”Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you." — John 6:27

Thought: Most men spend their lives building things they cannot keep. Careers. Bank accounts. Homes. Reputations. Retirement plans.

Yet, all of these things have something in common: They perish.

Jesus isn't condemning work here. Scripture consistently commends honest labor. Jesus Himself worked with His hands. Jesus is confronting something deeper: Living as though this life is the only life that matters. That's the tragedy.

A man can spend his life building a career and almost no time cultivating his soul.

He can know his portfolio and not know his Bible.

He can prepare meticulously for retirement and rarely think about eternity.

He can provide everything his children need materially while giving almost no thought to their spiritual condition.

Jesus says, “You're working for the wrong bread.”

Everything this world gives will eventually spoil. Money gets spent. Bodies grow old. Careers end. Possessions break. People forget your name. Death eventually takes everything we thought belonged to us. Knowing this, Jesus tells us there is a food that "endures to eternal life.” Food that never spoils.

And notice something incredibly important… Jesus says the Son of Man will “give you this food [these things].”That’s grace. Jesus tells us to work for it, but then immediately says He will give it. That's not a contradiction. That's the Christian life.

We pursue Christ with everything we have, while knowing that everything we have is from Christ. We read. We pray. We worship. We fight sin. We pursue holiness. Not to earn His grace. Grace cannot be earned. The Bread of Life is given.

The means of grace are not payments we make to God. We read, pray, worship, fight, and pursue because that is what grace produces. That is precisely where His grace meets us. And we keep pursuing, not to earn His grace… We pursue Jesus because He has already been gracious.

Brother, your soul is hungry. What are you feeding it? Success. Pleasure. Recognition. Comfort. Every time, you'll be hungry again. Only Christ satisfies the hunger beneath every other hunger.

My encouragement… Work hard. Build. Provide. Lead. Plan. But do it from grace, not for it. And certainly do not do it apart from grace.

Don't spend your entire life accumulating food that spoils while starving the soul that will live forever.

Reflection: Are you investing more energy preparing for the next twenty years than preparing your soul for eternity?

Right Next Step: Look honestly at your calendar today. Choose one concrete way to give eternal things priority—time in Scripture, prayer, discipling your family, serving someone, or killing a persistent sin.

Prayer: “Father, forgive me for spending so much energy on things that perish. Give me an eternal perspective. Teach me to work faithfully in this world without living for this world. Make me hungry for Christ, diligent in the means of grace, and increasingly satisfied in the Bread that endures to eternal life. Amen.”

 from Christian Men 

Stop Trying to Earn What God Gives

The Christian life is a life where we fight the urge to ask, "What must I do to make God accept me?” and continually rest in what Christ has already done. How so?

Scripture: “Then they said to him, 'What must we do, to be doing the works of God?' Jesus answered them, 'This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.'" — John 6:28–29

Thought: Their question sounds spiritual, "What must we do?” But buried inside that question is the instinct of every fallen human heart: “Give me something to do.”

Give me the list. Give me the rules. Give me something I can accomplish so I can stand before God and say, "Look what I did..."

Religion loves "What must we do?” The gospel destroys it.

Jesus doesn't hand them a checklist. He points them to a Person: "Believe in him whom he has sent” [v29]. This is the great dividing line between Christianity and every system of self-salvation. The natural man wants to do. The gospel tells us Christ has done.

We want achievement. God requires faith. We want to bring our righteousness to God. The gospel tells us we don't have any.

Justification by faith alone [being made right with God] is central to our faith. Luther called justification "the article upon which the church stands or falls.” Why? Because if one ounce of our acceptance before God depends upon our performance, we're cooked.

Our best days are stained by sin. Our motives are mixed. Our obedience is incomplete. Our righteousness cannot survive the holiness of God. So God provides another righteousness, a foreign righteousness, Jesus’ righteousness.

Jesus obeyed where we disobeyed. He fulfilled the Law we broke. He died the death we deserved. He rose victorious over death. And through faith, His righteousness is counted as ours. J.C. Ryle describes it as such... "The white robe which Jesus offers, and faith puts on, must be our only righteousness.”

Even the faith, by which we put on Christ, is not something we manufacture to impress God. Faith is an empty hand. It contributes nothing. It receives everything.

Brother, stop trying to impress a God who already knows everything about you. You don't need a résumé. You need a Redeemer.

The Christian life is a life where we fight the urge to ask, "What must I do to make God accept me?” and continually rest in what Christ has already done.

Reflection: Are you resting in Christ's righteousness, or are you still quietly trying to prove to God that you're worthy of His acceptance?

Right Next Step: Pay attention today to where performance sneaks into your relationship with God. When you feel the need to prove yourself, preach this to yourself: “Christ's work, not mine, is the ground of my acceptance. All my boast is in Jesus...”

Prayer: “Father, forgive me for trying to earn what You freely give in Christ. I have no righteousness of my own that can stand before You. Thank You for Jesus’ perfect obedience, substitutionary death, and righteousness. Teach me to rest in Christ alone and then obey You, not to earn Your love, but because I already have it in Your Son. Amen.”

 From Better Man w.thx - https://betterman.com/

The Meekness and Humility of Jesus

Brother, the Christian life is not about building your reputation. It is about spending your life for the glory of Another. Maybe one of the greatest signs of spiritual maturity is becoming increasingly comfortable being unseen. How so?

Scripture: “When the people saw the sign that he had done, they said, ‘This is indeed the Prophet who is to come into the world!’ Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.” — John 6:14-15

Thought: Jesus had just fed thousands of people with five loaves and two fish. The crowd was amazed. And they wanted to make Him king.

Most men spend their entire lives chasing moments like this. Recognition. Influence. Applause. A bigger platform. Jesus walked away. Why? Because they wanted to give Him the crown before He went to the cross. Jesus knew something they didn’t… the cross comes before the crown.

They wanted a king who would fill their stomachs, overthrow Rome, and make their lives better. Jesus came for something infinitely greater. He came to save sinners. And that road did not lead first to a throne. It led to Calvary.

This is the meekness and humility of Christ. Paul tells us that although Jesus was "in the form of God," He "emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant" and "humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” [Phil 2:6–8].

Think about that. The One who deserved every crown refused the crown. The One worthy of all praise walked away from human applause. The King became a servant. The Lord of glory was mocked, beaten, stripped, and crucified.

And He did this for us. He was humiliated and killed to accomplish our redemption… “Though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor” [2 Cor. 8:9].

This confronts our obsession with being noticed. We want the title. The credit. The seat at the table. We want people to know what we did. But the way of Jesus is downward before it is upward.

Humiliation before exaltation. Cross before crown. Death before resurrection. Like Augustine said, “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.”

Brother, the Christian life is not about building your reputation. It is about spending your life for the glory of Another. Maybe one of the greatest signs of spiritual maturity is becoming increasingly comfortable being unseen.

Doing good without announcing it.

Serving without recognition.

Giving without credit.

Obeying when nobody applauds.

Jesus could walk away from the crowd [and the crown] because He knew exactly whose approval mattered.

Do you?

Reflection: How much of what you do is quietly driven by the desire to be noticed, respected, or praised?

Right Next Step: Do one meaningful thing today that nobody will know about. Serve, give, encourage, or sacrifice, and tell no one.

Prayer: “Father, forgive me for craving recognition. Give me the mind of Christ, who humbled Himself and became a servant for my salvation. Teach me to seek Your glory instead of my own and to be content when faithfulness goes unnoticed. Make me willing to choose the cross before the crown. Amen.”

From BetterMan w/thx - https://betterman.com